today

Today I have decided I need a change a new start to life, because I know if I keep living this way I'm going to get sick.  It has to be a change I make for myself and no one else.  Last night ended with me throwing up about 3 times just because I ate a salad.  I have gone to bed many times spitting out blood and with a bloated stomach.  For years people have just thought I have had stomach issues because that is all I have told them.  The scars on my knuckles from forcing the food out are normally hidden and small enough where no one can see them.  I know I can't live this way anymore because someday I will have to face the fact that I could of carried my life better and I didn't.  So today i'm stopping well I'm going to atleast try.  I am not to sure how but this is a battle I am ready to fight.  Its embarrassing and scary to think that I really have had a problem all these years just because I thought of myself as ugly and not worth a better life.  It needs to end.  I hope in the end this will help me be able to help other girls and boys with the same issues I have dealt with since I was 13.  This world is a scary and very judging place and most people don't even understand how important inner beauty is.  I believe it is the most important thing, and I myself need to understand that even more.  Bare with me.