the hard parts about the holidays!

I don't know what it is about today, but I'm really not with it and it sucks, I'm really tired and don't feel like talking or doing anything.  I really wish I could somehow snap out of it because I know it is defently not what Jeff needs in his life right now, but i'm really dealing hard.    I sorta miss my family I guess its because its thanksgiving this coming week and I still don't know what I'm going to do, I can't imagine not being with Jeff but at the same time I really miss my grandparents and alot of my cousins.  I hate that life is so frustrating sometimes.  I can't seem to get a handle on it.  I really am afraid I am going to have another year of really sucky holidays and I don't want that to happen.  I wish I could just snap out of all of this....whats wrong with me.